Of the many foundations a home can have, love is the most vital. A home built on love, even without other foundations, has a strong chance of enduring. However, a home with all other foundations but lacking love is destined for destruction.
A man once sought a psychiatrist’s advice on how best to raise his children. He presented a list of priorities, including: providing essential material needs like food, clothing, and housing; ensuring educational opportunities; making religious training accessible; instilling proper social attitudes; and setting a strong moral example.
The psychiatrist said, “All these are extremely important, but you have not named the most important thing you can do for your children.”
The man wondered aloud what was more important than the things he had named.
“The best thing you can do for your children, “replied the psychiatrist, “is love their mother.”
I agree that this is a wise statement, because nothing gives children a deeper sense of security than to know their parents love each other. Nothing shakes them quite as much as to realize love is lacking between the two adults they depend on the most.
My mom, Rita, died after a decade of living with Alzheimer’s disease. Because of this burden she couldn’t remember, so I remember for her, that love was the foundation of her life.
Until Dad had to move to a nursing home with Mom, he used to visit faithfully every day and spend most of the day with his beloved Rita. We all used to ask him, “Why do you visit Mom every day and stay so long since often she doesn’t even know who you are?” He said instantly, “She might not know who I am, but I know who she is.” What a perfect answer for total unconditional love and self-forgetfulness!
Our dear Rita, affectionately known as “Sweet Rita” by the care providers at Episcopal Church Home, was a woman of delightful contradictions – a blend of sweetness, a touch of saltiness, and incredible strength. Her lovely smile and gentle demeanor were truly captivating.
Rita’s passions included music, a love she instilled in all her children by teaching them to play the piano. She found deep inspiration in melodies and embraced travel with an open heart, always filled with wonder and delight at the beauty of creation.
Her “saltiness” emerged in her firm insistence on piano practice, doing what was right, and upholding commitments. Yet, her strength truly shone through in the unwavering importance she placed on her faith, her family, and her beloved husband, Elmer. Her enduring spirit and never-give-up attitude, evident in how she bravely faced many years of illness, were a testament to her remarkable strength.
We often discuss the needs of children and young people today. They require many things, including the opportunity to be heard, to express their thoughts, and to understand what they are thinking. While discipline is necessary, it is not sufficient. I recall my mother disciplining us. She would take me to the bedroom and talk to me, leaving me on the edge of the bed. As she left, she would always turn and say, “But, Bob, remember, I love you.” That simple statement meant more to me than anything else in life.
Too often, children feel alienated because their parents fail to make them feel loved. The greatest tragedy for any child or young person is to feel unwanted, unneeded, and unloved.
There are some other foundations a home needs, but if we have love – real love – the other foundations will take care of themselves. Without love, nothing else is strong enough. The ultimate lesson my brother, sister and I learned from Elmer and Sweet Rita is learning how to love and be loved unconditionally. We have been blessed with love, the foundation of the family.
By Bob Mueller
Bob Mueller is a Bishop of the United Catholic Church. bobmueller.org
P.S. You may also enjoy this article by Bob Mueller: Finding The Fullness Of Life
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