The door opens to a warm, inviting space. The music perfectly fills the background; the lights are lovely; the smell of delicious food ushers you inside. As a guest, you feel welcomed and wanted; you somehow find that the environment lends itself to fun conversations, even with people you don’t know. Long after you leave, you remember this gathering, and not because things were perfectly polished, but because somehow you felt so at ease.
We would suggest that the host of this get-together had shared plenty of “insider” information beforehand, and connection opportunities were planned with intention. We all want to throw (and attend!) this party. How can we move beyond the typical to foster true connections between people and make meaning out of our gatherings? Here are some ideas to help make your next gathering more comfortable, meaningful, and delightful.
Consider your guests’ different personalities
An important piece of planning a gathering is thinking about your guests, and while that seems obvious, it can be more complex than just showing them where the restroom is and handing over a beverage. For example, a person who likes to entertain may be an extrovert, while someone who attends that gathering may be more introverted. As a general rule, introverts don’t love small talk, so they may need some help feeling comfortable.
Priya Parker is the author of The Art of Gathering, and in addition to her book and classes, her website is a source of articles and a free guide to help people create more engaging gatherings with colleagues, friends, and family. She suggests that one way to help introverts feel more comfortable is to offer them “nonverbal invitations” in the form of books stacked on a window shelf, a chess set on a side table, or a collection of framed art on a piano. These items can spark conversation or activity with one other person or a small group, a situation that is more amenable than a large group for people who are generally more ill-at-ease at parties.
Create intentional spaces to connect
Louisville event planner Abby Stich-Cordaro, owner of BeSpoke Events by Abby, notes that having an intentional seating arrangement, including quiet corners where one or two people can sit together, is essential. These nooks can give attendees the option of decompressing if they are overwhelmed with food and fun, or they can be a place where two or three individuals can chat without the noise of the larger group surrounding them.
Set your gathering apart from the beginning
Another suggestion Parker has to make all guests feel comfortable and provide a sense of connection is to give the gathering a special name, which will bring a sense of belonging to everyone who is invited. Rather than writing “Come to my party” or “You’re Invited,” use your creativity to find a common thread among all those who are invited and use it in your wording. Someone who gets an invitation titled “WOW—A Gathering of Wonderfully Ornery Women” will have an automatic connection and conversation starter even if she knows no one else at the event.
Fine-tune the atmosphere
Special events can be feasts for the senses, from the scent of burning candles to the reflection of twinkling lights in mirrors, but it is important that hosts not forget the sense of sound. Music is critical, particularly its volume. “If you can’t hear the person next to you, it’s hard to have meaningful conversations,” Abby says. “Music sets the tone, but when it’s too loud, it can create barriers.”
Most people prepare the physical space before hosting a gathering, but sometimes they spend far too much time worrying about cleanliness and neatness and not enough time on the warmth of the event. Jeffersontown resident Vicky Yocum says, “Welcoming ambiance is NOT a perfectly clean and organized house. It’s an inviting atmosphere with good smells, happy sounds, and joyful interactions.” When we think about gatherings we’ve attended, none of us think about how much dust was on the floorboards because that’s not where the memories happen.
The decor of the party itself is important, especially if it is a themed event. Jennifer Browning, who lives in Richmond, Kentucky, invites friends for an annual bonfire event in the autumn. “We gather beside our barn, eat chili, and make s’mores,” she says. In addition to the barn, she ensures that the decor is memorable. “We hang orange lights in the trees and have hay bales, corn stalks, and pumpkins sitting around,” she says.
Food can do more than taste good
Of course, food is typically part of any gathering, so families and friends may want to take an inspirational note from Abby, who suggests a way to meld food and memory-sharing together. “A fun twist could be hosting a ‘memory lane’ dinner, where family members bring a dish that has a special story behind it, sparking meaningful conversations,” she says.
No matter who you are hosting or why, it is essential to keep the needs of your guests in mind as you prepare. Considering their physical needs, such as hearing loss and dietary allergies, as well as their emotional needs, such as social anxiety, can ensure that your gathering is a comfortable affair they will remember joyfully.
By Carrie Vittitoe
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