I have been told that I have a good sense of humor, but not at the expense of others. I do not laugh at people’s mistakes, distresses, or misfortunes. I feel compassion and look for ways to be supportive. I am less and less apt to engage in ridicule or sarcasm. I resist using comebacks when others are sarcastic toward me. I seek simply to feel the pain in both of us and look for ways to bring more mutual respect into our communication.
Good, healthy humor pokes gentle fun at human foibles and ironic contradictions, especially our own. The negative side of humor is sarcasm, ridicule, teasing, mocking, demeaning or taunting others, and prejudicial jokes about individuals or groups. Even when this is meant to be all in fun, it is hurtful language and not part of the repertory of those committed to a loving style of speech.
We can decide not to engage in, or to listen approvingly, to negative humor. Our assertiveness can help us speak up about our discomfort with jokes that show hatred or bigotry.
We maintain custody over what we say so that we do not hurt or humiliate anyone. We are then making loving-kindness more important than how entertaining we can be. We notice how our words land on others. We also forgo engaging in practical jokes or tricks. Our aspiration might be the following: “May I be free of aggression and may I detect every subtle form it takes.”
We let others know that we are choosing not to engage in hurtful humor and ask them to speak up if they see us lagging in our resolve. In this way, friends are more than a team of insiders. They are referees and coaches too.
When someone is sarcastic with us, we are not quick with a zinger reply. Instead, we open a dialogue about what may really be going on. Perhaps someone’s true anger at us will then be lured from its dark hiding place in so-called humor and we can address it together directly. Negative humor is a favorite weapon of those who are indirect or passive. We become healthier when we become direct and active in our communications, two more ways to show respect for others.
When we apply loving-kindness to our speech and behavior, we are doing more than simply wishing others happiness. We are making a thorough change in our lifestyle so that we become agents of happiness. Gradually, we notice that we become kind even in our thoughts. This is a sign that our practice is working at a deep level in us, something to be proud of and thankful for.
In one Greek tradition, the god Hermes laughs the word into existence. Positive humor is indeed a creative act because it pulls back the curtain from a drab human reality and showcases the joy that is always here.
A quality all great people seem to share is good humor – the capacity to see our struggles and triumphs with detachment. Not that our life is unimportant, but that it’s only a part of the huge web of life on this planet.
Any situation is easier to handle if our response is light-hearted. Laughter and playfulness ease the tensions inherent in certain circumstances. Taking life less seriously doesn’t mean living less responsibly. Rather, it means freeing ourselves from the negative forces that may well encumber the circumstances facing us presently.
Bob Mueller is a Bishop with the United Catholic Church and can be reached at bobmueller.org.
By Bob Mueller
P.S. You may also enjoy reading this article by Bob.
Leave a Reply