Bonding is essential to our development and well-being, from the time we’re newborns to the moment we slip this mortal coil. Life often presents challenges to the strength of these bonds, perhaps none as much as dementia. For most of us, our memories act as glue that binds us to the people we love; even when we’re angry or frustrated in the relationship, shared memories help us reconnect. So, how do caregivers of loved ones diagnosed with dementia nurture those important bonds?
“Dementia presents a formidable challenge to caregiver bonds as the patient loses their insight, becomes suspicious of caregivers despite all that they are doing, and sometimes doesn’t even remember who they are,” says Baptist Health neurologist Dr. Patrick Matthiessen. Still, that doesn’t mean that bonding is unimportant to the dementia patient. “The same bonds that all of us cherish also matter to the dementia sufferer,” Dr. Matthiessen adds.
Becky Medley is a caregiver for her mother, Carol, who has been dealing with dementia for about a year. Becky has always had a close relationship with her mom. “Mom was always the one I consulted when I needed advice or a listening ear,” she says. “[She] would frequently host family dinners and was actively involved in our life.”
As her mom’s condition has changed, Becky says their roles have been largely reversed. “My mom is aware of her memory difficulties and is very concerned about remembering names, especially those of family members,” she says. “I often find myself consoling her.”
Becky says one of the most important things her family has done that helps strengthen the bond with her mom is to find an assisted living center with a memory care program. “Because they care for her daily needs and manage her medications, my mom and I have time for fun things like going to lunch, visiting friends, manicures, playing cards and bingo,” she says.
Becky recognizes how fortunate they are that her mom is able to have this level of care, but she encourages any family navigating dementia to find resources that can help support dementia patients and their families. “One of the best resources I found is the University of Louisville Trager Institute/Optimal Aging Clinic Republic Bank Foundation,” she says. “They offer programs, health services, research, and education that supports older adults and their caregivers.”
If a caregiver has most of the day-to-day responsibilities for their loved one, it is especially important that they build a team of support around them. “Talk to a professional who you can be honest with, even when it’s not easy to admit how you feel, and who can validate your feelings while guiding you through healthy ways to manage those emotions,” Becky advises.
Dementia care specialist Teepa Snow finds that shared projects that involve a dementia patient can be beneficial for building bonds. In her article, 3 Smart Ways to Empower People Living with Dementia Through Activities, she discusses utilizing a person’s history, whether it be their former profession or their natural strengths and skills, to find a project they can assist with that won’t frustrate them. Doing this will give them a sense of purpose, which is something all of us need in life to feel competent and have a sense of self-worth.
“At each stage of memory loss, you are meeting a new version of your loved one,” Becky says. “Focus on what they can do and keep your loved one engaged mentally, emotionally, and physically.”
By Carrie Vittitoe
P.S. You may also be interested in: Go With The Flow: Caregiving For Someone With Dementia Might Require A Little Acting.
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