This is a discussive and supportive space for those who are caring for their loved ones. As caregivers, we collectively remember that not everything has a solution, but most things can be improved.
Q&A
Q: The TV is always on at my father’s house. It’s so loud, and the content is negative. This cannot be good for him, but I am not sure how to improve the situation.
A: Our culture is so uncomfortable with silence that we often rely on noise and distraction to help block out our boredom or pain, no matter our age.
Here are some things I have tried with my own mother that might help.
- A wireless TV speaker that can sit close to your loved one, but not make the overall sound louder. That way he can hear it and hopefully make out better what the show is actually saying.
- I have promoted shows that are more positive, such as PBS nature shows, HGTV shows, older sitcoms, Hallmark shows, historic shows, documentaries, and sports. The main goal is to stay off the endless news cycle channels. You cannot control it when you are not there, but you can keep introducing, and you can let any caregivers know to direct the TV viewing as best they can.
- Sign him up for streaming services so that ads are not blaring at him all day and night. You will have a learning curve if he has been on cable.
- Consider introducing games on a tablet or with a Nintendo Switch or any console. It may not be a natural skill for your dad, but it is a different form of entertainment that is interactive. Not all games require a lot of skill.
- Adding in options like a radio that is easy to operate or a record player might be a way to connect someone to other types of entertainment. This can also encourage them to move from their chair to adjust it.
Roll Out and See the Colors
You can take your loved one who uses a wheelchair or scooter out for some fresh air at Bernheim Forest and Arboretum. Take a 30-minute drive south of Louisville to enjoy the huge works of interactive art, the sensory garden, and a breathtaking view above the treelike from the accessible Canopy Tree Walk. You can also reserve a GRIT freedom chair (think: mountain bike of wheelchairs – an upper body workout!) to access a variety of terrain.
Insider tips: Bernheim has big, accessible bathrooms. They have sought input from people with disabilities to build accessible play areas for people of all ages. ~ Liz Fust, founder and executive director of the disability advocacy organization Gathering Strength. Find more accessible Louisville outings at gatheringstrength.org
A Perspective to Consider
What should we expect from our aging loved ones? Or ourselves? I have a friend whose father is in his 80s, and he often does unexpected things. His chronic poor health does not stop him from golfing, driving, booking airline tickets, or attending events. He doesn’t allow himself to stop because the only way he can forget his pain is to plan his next outing or event.
So, should his daughter expect him to slow down? Should she let him live his life, knowing that something could happen because of how he is living? Whose life is it to live, and how involved should we be in protecting our aging loved ones? Will she feel guilty if something bad happens? Sometimes it is not clear when we need to step in or when our parents have become a danger to themselves.
Or maybe the question is, do we protect against or do we encourage this “living dangerous” attitude?
There may be no one correct answer, but it makes me think of this interaction from the movie Secondhand Lions:
- Walter: What’s wrong with him?
- Garth: Well, a man’s body may grow old, but inside his spirit can still be as young and as restless as ever. And him — in his day, he had more spirit than 20 men.
- Hub: What do ya want me to do? Die of old age?
By Anita Oldham
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